Sange's blog

It's almost unbelievable that it's holiday time again. It's amazing how quickly time flies. I love this time of year..probably because where I live the weather is pretty mild. We have an extended, beautiful fall period. I really need to take pictures of the area. Aaah, the things we take for granted. I'm going to make that one of my New Year's Eve resolution. I'll probably spend a weekend out and about taking pictures around town.

On a good note, there're only three more weeks of schools left and things are looking up so far. Adam and I are heading down to Miami this weekend, and then again on Wednesday to celebrate Thanksgiving with friends & family.

There's a lot to be thankful for this year.

I guess ever since my trip to Ghana I've come to realize that I am willing to spend my last dime on travel expenses. I going to meet up with my brother in Grenada this X-Mas. He's helping my dad fix up his house there. A little feminine touch couldn't hurt. Anyway, I'll get to hang out with him for a week before he goes back. That should be great. Grenada is a beautiful island and I haven't got to go back since 1994. My grandma was still alive then. I miss her. She was / is an inspiration.

Well, it's kind of funny that the memorable moments I have of my last trip was when my brother got bit by "sea-ants" (don't ask me what they are but their sting burns like all hell). Anyway, we were all in the ocean, him, my sis, his friend Luca, etc., remember kids at the time, and all of the sudden he starts screaming loud a semi-high-pitched tone. Of course everyone is close to panicking at that point and wondering if this boy just got bit by a massive sea creature. I ended up having to pull him out and onto the shore. And of course he looked pretty dishevelled by that point. My dad and uncle passed it off as, "oh, just sea-ants" and they kept him out of the water till he calmed down Anyway, guess you had to have been there. I'll be sure to bring it up when I see him.

Well, it's been disturbing me for a couple of weeks now, but my neighbor's smoke has been passing through the vents and ending up in my apartment. He just moved in a month ago, and I really don't want to be the neighbor telling him he can't do whatever-he-likes in his own place. I guess the situation wouldn't be as bad if I weren't already sick and could hardly breathe in the first place, but it is. Plus, it doesn't help that he's either smoking cigars or possibly what I like to call "the-ganja". Whatever it is, it smells really strong and that's the scent I get to come home to every evening, and go to bed to every night. So what do I do??

Well, it's Saturday night and I'm doing absolutely nothing; which feels good after this hectic past week. My mom flew in from Switzerland and I got to spend the last week with her and my sis and my friend Anisha in MIA. What a fun and crazy time. It was like we never stopped going until now. And I'm sitting in my livingroom listening to some jazz and am really full and satisfied.

The last couple months have been full of goodbyes. Too many than I would have liked. Roommates, close friends, family, and other loved ones. Ususally, I would be sad about it, but strangely life seems so full of possibilities, at this moment. As I move forward I start to realize a whole bunch of things. For example, the world is really small and I am going to travel the hell out of it this year and in the future; Life just keeps introducing more and more amazing people into my life. In friendship you only get what you give, and I intend to give more than I usually would from now on. This will be my last couple months sitting in a classroom (unless I go on to do a doctorate at some point) I really need to enjoy Tallahassee and the people I've met here before its too late. I'm not going to be afraid of living in some big city by myself next year because I am in control and I have an awesome security net in certain people (you know who you are). I am not going to be overly emotional about things, because I don't want to be THAT girl.-I'm too strong for that. My career is well on its way and I will end up anywhere I desire. I am a good person, and once I learn to have patience I will be even better. Yea, so things like that.

My granddad is very sick at the moment and my thoughts and preyers are with him. He's my last living grandparent and a great role model. He worked hard to bring up his family and look where we are now. He remained healthy into old age and I believe he will be turning 92 this year, or at least 90-something. He's lived a good life and I am proud of him for that. I try hard not to be sad at the possibility of death, but my heart just gets scared sometimes. Why? I'm not sure. Like I said he's lived a good life. But I guess nobody wants to easily give away something they love. Even if it's inevitable.

Life is getting  serious around me. My ex-boyfriend just had a baby and I think it's just amazing. I met him my first day on-campus and if it weren't for him I don't know if I would have stayed. He struggled during his first year at college, and I was able to help him a lot in return. We eventually ended up on different paths, but stayed in contact throughout. I'm happy we became friends. Well, he has a lot more responsibility than I would wish on myself, but I think he'll be ok. He always finds a way to make things work.

It looks like I'll be spending Christmas in Grenada this year. I wanted to go home to Switzerland, but it looks like with my granddad being sick now the family will be scattered for X-Mas. My brother will be there during the same time, working on fixing up my dad's property. There's a chance that he will stay for Christmas. I guess I just want to go back before it's too late. The last time I was there was '94. My grandma has died since. She was another amazing story, a true idol. I think of her a lot too. It will be interesting going back. Let's see what happens.

Well, it's now Sunday morning. I should go do something with myself; NOT!

"If we no longer think of the relationship between cultures and their adherents as perfectly contiguous, totally synchronous, wholly correspondent, and if we think of cultures as permeable and, on the whole, defensive boundaries between polities, a more promising situation appears. Thus to see Others not as ontologically but as historically constituted would be to erode the exclusivist biases we so often ascribe to cultures, our own not least. Cultures may then be represented as zones of control or abandonment, of recollecting and of forgetting, of force or of dependence, of exclusiveness or of sharing, all taking place in the global history that is our element. Exile, immigration, and the crossing of boundaries are experiences that can therefore provide us with new narrative forms or, in John Berger's phrase, with other ways of telling."

-Edward W. Said

So here's my story...I was born in Liberia (West Africa) of Caribbean parents. In '90 at the age of ~9 we left to London (England). We spent a year there then moved to Basel (Switzerland). I left Switzerland at the age of 20 to live in the US, where I currently reside.

I've always found it difficult when people ask me which country do I prefer. Just because  they're all so different, beyond the point of comparison.

I've found it even more difficult to identify with a specific one of these places. I think what makes me me is that I take pieces of all of these identities and use them as needed.

Anyway, here's a book I'm currently reading on identity. It's quite amazing and straighforward ...

Dislocating Cultures: Identities, Traditions, and Third-World Feminism (Thinking Gender)

Here are a few pics from my trip to Ghana in June. It was an amazing voyage.

And here are some short clips I took with my camera.

It may seem like a superfluous statement but self-discovery is so incredibly important. It's scary how quickly we fall into society's traps; often without even knowing it. It's amazing how quickly a rebel can turn into a stepford wife. It is also amazing how difficult it can be to go against the grain. It really makes you feel heavy and exhausted, kind of like walking against waves. But in the end I think you can look at your reflection in the mirror a little easier.

Limitations are there, of course. However, most of our limitations are mostly in our minds. Why is that I focus on all of the things that I can't do at this point in my life, only to discover and rethink all of my reservations into non-existence? Maybe it is because I have considered myself "different",  that being a staler version of me seemed exciting, ... for a little bit. But now I've woken up. Not to reject what is "me", but to make the slight changes to becoming a better me.

Self-discovery is necessary before it's too late. And it's always going to seem to late.

(I just really loved these lyrics)

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It's funny how our minds try to play tricks on us at times
Telling us that we need one thing when it reality what we need it totally different
I know what I need. Now I do.
I've been confused and in a bit of a haze
Now I know what I need
And it wasn't that simple
Maybe my mind wasn't completely off
Maybe I just didn't get the message
Blinded by what was directly in front of me
Comfort usually seems to be the answer
But now I see things a little more clearly
And the answer is not as sweet as I had hoped
Luckily a kiss tells you a lot about a person
And I learned that on a a tv show
It probably wasn't the first time
Or the last time that I will learn this lesson
But man it sure does feel like a relief
I really just want to do me
Whatever that means
Or maybe it's exactly on point
Because doing me is all that I have in my heart right now.